Tag Archives: Relationships

When Did You Start Feeling Married Instead of Together?

My husband and I have not been married very long, but people keep asking us “does it feel any different now that you are married”? We moved out of the country together before we got engaged and have had a joint checking account for a while. We have cats and had lived together for two years previously. What exactly is supposed to change?

I think when I imagined our wedding in my head, there was supposed to be some sort of life altering change after we exchanged rings. However, right after our ceremony both of us agreed that there wasn’t any change and that we are still just us and it seemed a little anti-climactic.

We keep using “husband” and “wife” when addressing each other at home to be cute, but there still doesn’t seem to be any difference in our relationship. A co-worker of Jason’s said that is a good thing since we are already so close. We are completely happy together, still spend time together, still go to the comic book store together on Wednesdays – this is not something I am worried about – just have a general wondering about.

154489_3987755824587_79395949_n

To any married folks reading this:

When did you and your spouse start feeling married instead of just together?

Was it after a certain amount of time? After a certain life event? Ever?

Advertisements

Today.

I am beside myself.

I have been laid off in a text from wiping the asses of someone else’s children.

She hurt her back.

My husband does not make enough to support us.                                 He is a grad student.

I can’t get a straight answer about paperwork for teaching. I cannot use my degree.

I cancelled the vet appointment for the cat. We can’t afford it.

We were living off of my sad little pay check.

I have been laid off in a text from wiping the asses of someone else’s children.

We can’t afford it.

I should quit out of principle. A text?

After all I do for someone else’s children?

I have been laid off in a text from wiping the asses of someone else’s children.

We were living off of my sad little pay check.

We can’t afford it.

Honeymoon?

Student Loans?

We can’t afford it.

Rent?

We can’t afford it.

Engaged!

Before asking me to marry him, Jason asked for my father’s blessing, and he said yes. Jason picked out the ring, but checked with my sister afterwards to make sure I would like it.

When I came home from work, the apartment was lit with candles and Jason was dressed in my favorite dress shirt. As soon as I walked in the door, “When a Man Loves a Woman” began playing and fireworks lit their television screen. Jason got down on one knee and pulled out a plush Hulk doll with a ring around his little green arm. I started crying and laughing, and said yes. After all of the excitement, we went to The Cave (our favorite Saskatoon lounge) for champagne!

Though this may sound cheesy, it is a montage of sorts; it touches on several of our favorite television shows and engagements that happened in them:

  • Friends – After much confusion, Monica proposed to Chandler in a candlelit apartment.
  • Two and a Half Men – Walden proposed to Zoe with fireworks and Barry Manilow singing “When a Man Loves a Woman” (since we don’t have the money Walden does, we have youtube and a big television)
  • How I Met Your Mother – When Ted proposed to Stella, it was a spur of the moment decision. Since he didn’t have a ring, he gave her a little stuffed kangaroo that he won for her. (Jason couldn’t find a kangaroo  but since we both love comic books, The Hulk was a fantastic choice.)

We decided to get married this New Year’s Eve when we are visiting Wisconsin!

Relationship Semantics

I have no idea how to introduce Jason. We have been living together for two years and made a  the decision to move out of the country together. We have a joint checking account and pool both of our incomes to create a very small pile of Canadian-cash to pay the bills. It seems inappropriate to refer to him as my “boyfriend” since this is the same word I used to describe Lance in seventh grade – a boy I held hands with at the cafeteria table once and who was too shy to kiss me (much to my disappointment).

Every time I say the word I think of the Sex and the City movie when Carrie and Mr. Big are apartment shopping before they decide to get married:

Carrie Bradshaw: He’s my boyfriend.
Mr. Big: Aren’t I a little old to be introduced as your boyfriend?
Carrie Bradshaw: Point taken. From now on you’ll be my man-friend.
Mr. Big: That sounds like a dog.
Carrie Bradshaw: Well if the shoe fits.

In a relationship that is more than holding hands, but not walking down the isle, what should partners be called? I find myself feeling silly using “boyfriend” and sometimes wish there were another word to describe the bond that we have. Being the teacher/English-geek that I am, I looked up the Etymology of the word:

boyfriend (n.) Look up boyfriend at Dictionary.com“woman’s paramour,” 1909, from boy + friend (n.).

steady (n.) Look up steady at Dictionary.com“one’s boyfriend or girlfriend,” 1897 from steady (adj.); to go steady is 1905 in teenager slang.

paramour (n.) Look up paramour at Dictionary.comc.1300, noun use of adverbial phrase par amour (c.1300) “passionately, with strong love or desire,” from Anglo-French and O.Fr. par amour, from accusative of amor “love,” fromamare “to love” (see Amy). Originally a term for Christ (by women) or the Virgin Mary (by men), it came to mean “darling, sweetheart” (mid-14c.) and “mistress, concubine, clandestine lover” (late 14c.).

I do not feel like our relationship fits under the juvenile  “boyfriend” and “paramour” seems a little too risque and exciting for us since we spend most weekends in our sweatpants cleaning the house and watching movies.

We did created a different word for “love” one silly evening (most of our evenings are silly), when I was asking (probably more like begging) Jason to get me a bowl of ice cream after I had found a comfy spot on the couch. Somehow our “love” became our “larf” and is often referred to as such, for example:

Me: Honey, I love you.

Jason: Do you love me or do you larf me?

Me: No, I larf you.

Granted, this is just a dorky thing that we do at home (which would probably gather strange looks and gagging sounds from passersby  if we did this in public – but every couple has their dorky little things…), but I feel like our made up word means something more to us. There should be a socially acceptable word for couples in the same boat we are in (I know many). Any suggestions for what partners in an adult relationship should call themselves if they are unmarried but are each others “in case of emergency” contacts?

Our First Canadian Thanksgiving

Today Jason and I made and ate our first Thanksgiving in Canada and without our families. Though it is not November and not Wisconsin, I think we did a pretty great job. As I have mentioned before, I am not huge on cooking and tend to avoid the kitchen; but today I made a pie from scratch. (Jason is an amazing cook and took care of the rest of the dinner. The turkey was amazing!) We spent the day in our sweatpants, cleaned the apartment, and watched FRIENDS until dinner. When we sat down at our table, set with superhero glasses (the only glasses we have), everyday plates, and paper napkins it didn’t feel like Thanksgiving. We barely made a dent in the turkey and were full after one plateful each. The dinner seemed to be over and done with so quickly and we had been preparing most of the day.

I am trying not to think about everyone sitting around my grandparents’ dinning room table, passing dishes around the table counter-clockwise and – though I do not participate – saying grace before digging in to their colorful plates full of my grandmother’s cooking. I am trying not to think about the relaxed environment at my dad’s house where everyone grazes on crescent rolls, corn, potatoes, and turkey. I am trying not to think about putting up the Christmas tapestry above the fireplace and wrapping greenery around the wooden banister leading down the stairs. I am trying not to think about the midnight adventure to Kohl’s that my sister and I would take to kick-off our all day Black-Friday shopping trip.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I know it is not November. I know I am not in the states and Jason and I had a lovely meal together in the home we have made for ourselves here in Saskatoon. I know that when we move back to Wisconsin in a few years and get settled in that we will host Thanksgiving at our home and make the same foods we ate this evening for the friends and family that I miss today.